popgoestheculture

Since it’s Labor Day, I think it’s a good time to mention that Ricky Martin announced this week that he’s become the father of twin boys via surrogate. Get it? Twins? Labor Day? That’s pregnancy humor there folks.

Normally I don’t really follow the whole Celebu-tots thing. I could care less what Suri Cruise is wearing or what ridiculous thing the celebs are choosing to name their kids this week (Moxie Crimefighter, for the win!)
I don’t care about celebrity babies until they’re grown up enough to drive the wrong way up an on-ramp whacked out on weed and Midol, get thrown out of “Hyde” and/or embarrass their parents by starting a clothing line named after their bum hole (I’m lookin’ at you Kimberly Stewart, owner of “Pinky Starfish.”Eew.)

The only celebrity kids I’m interested in right now are:

1.) Clay Aiken’s son with his female friend Jaymes Foster

2.) Ricky Martin’s new twins with an unnamed surrogate.

Things that make you go HMMM. I read both of these articles and my first thought was that maybe the Gayby boom is finally peaking.

That is, if Ricky and Clay were gay, which they insist that they aren’t. I wouldn’t want to cast aspersions. They may just be sensitive.

As in they break out in a rash if they get anywhere near a woman’s naughty bits.

Look…..I completely understand why both singers would refuse to come out of the closet, if they were gay. Clay Aiken wouldn’t want to do anything to disturb his rabid following of middle aged Midwestern women, the majority of whom are undoubtedly of the much vaunted “Values Voters” sort. They’d probably pitch a fit and burn his CD’s (“A Measure of a Man”? Really?) and pass resolutions fit against him if they were to find out he was gay. Aiken also comes from a Southern Baptist family. Southern Baptists think all gays are going to Hell and they have a zero tolerance rule for homo sex, unless it involves a public bathroom stall or a congressional paige or something. But you have to feel guilty afterwards and if you get caught you have to hold a press conferance and then go into rehab!

Ricky Martin has been shakin’ his Bon Bon to sidestep the gay rumors circulating around him for years. I recall a particularly pointed response he once made to an interview question that everywhere in the world isn’t the same as New York or California. Ricky comes from Puerto Rico and Latin American cultures tend to look down on same sex lovin’. There’s the whole Papal sanctions/go straight to Hell thing going on. Ricky’s said before that if he were gay, his family wouldn’t understand or be supportive. Ricky’s fan base and his sex symbol status would both be jeopardized by any public declaration of an alternative sexual orientation.

But here’s the thing….if you’re a singer who’s been dogged by gay rumors the way these two have, and you’ve got a history of standing up and yelling “I am NOT gay!” every time you do an interview….doing something like this just doesn’t seem like the right strategy to use if you’re desperately trying to convince the world of your resolute straightness.

In Aiken’s case, we have a much older woman with a very masculine name + effeminate guy who wears eyeliner and mascara and has a fondness for Liberace couture and broaches. They decide to have a baby. They go out of their way to tell everyone that they’re not romantically involved, they just wanted to have a baby together. Um…hmmm. Ok. Where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, that happened in “Rick and Steve” on Logo!

In Martin’s case we have a handsome guy who has been a muy caliente sex symbol for the last twenty years. This is someone who could undoubtedly find a woman (or a whole crowd of women) who’d be more than willing to do the horizontal Mambo with him and agree to be his Baby Mama. But he doesn’t go that route, instead he announces his kids were conceived via surrogate. Um..hmmm. Because he’s a traditionalist who wanted his children conceived the old fashioned way…via FedEx.

The blurb in “Us Weekly” didn’t help matters when they quoted his long time
“friend” dancer Matt Sergott saying something about how Ricky’s wanted to be a father for years. Funny how he couldn’t quite make that happen until now.

“Dear Ricky, you’re doing it wrong if you want to make babies….”

By the way, twins? I can’t decide if they’re the new black or if they’re about to be very five minutes ago. Lisa Marie Presley may be the last lap around that track before the ante gets upped and the conspicuously consumptive crowd decides that triplets are the gestational trend du jour.

Coming soon to a TMZ near you: Paris Hilton’s Septuplets! Ashley & Mary Kate Plus Eight!

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